Nothing prepares you for growing old. You think you know it all. All that spare time to follow your interests. No ties to restrict your movements. Of course you'll be a bit slower but that won't matter and you realize that there might be a few illnesses along the way. But nothing prepares you for the reality.
Ever since you were born you have been part of a family, first with your parents and later with your own husband and children. But husbands can die and children grow up and move out of home. As your children have children of their own you feel blessed that they are still living in the same town, they still need you for the occasional baby-sitting, for a bit of sewing and a bit of a gossip. But these times seem to get fewer and fewer as the grandchildren grow up. Daughters go back to work, first part time and then full time. Their weekends are taken up with chores, their own hobbies or sport if they have time, their socializing with friends. Where does Mum fit in ? She rarely does.
The GP says, Are you getting Out and About and smiles benignly when I tell him of my weekly and monthly commitments. So in thirty days that makes eight times that I actually talk to someone, i.e. sixteen hours face to face with people each month, apart from the shop assistants, Phone calls are few and far between these days. Some people are just not phone people and the two people who I could rely on for a bit of close human contact have died in the last year. Family seem to have taken to texting if they need to contact me as if it's just too much trouble to talk.
The path of Contentment and a Life Well Lived has disappeared. I am lost. I have no old age compass. Some people find pleasure in living in Retirement Villages. I don't want to be surrounded completely by other old people. And so at times like this I sit with my computer and watch the world go by via other people's blogs
I have plenty of interests and things to do, but still there is something lacking. I'll keep on searching.
